I’m tired of bloggers gushing that solo travelling was the best decision they ever made.
When I first became interested in traveling, one of my biggest frustrations was finding people to go with. I’d ask friends, who would all respond enthusiastically, only to quickly retract their decisions the next day (or even worse, only days before the trip was set to happen). But as much as I wanted to travel, I didn’t want to be by myself, either.
I noticed that many, many people struggle with the availability to travel. People kept asking questions and offering excuses. What about time? What about money? Is it safe? I don’t have anyone to travel with. I’ll wait until I have more time — work is more important right now. I don’t have enough money — vacations are expensive. That country in Southeast Asia, or Africa, or the Middle East is probably too dangerous for a woman. I need to wait until my girlfriend is free, until my husband is free, until my friends are free, but our schedules just aren’t matching up. And then the years pass by.
Then I came across a whole landslide of articles, blog posts, Instagram posts, and yes, Medium stories, all urging, Stop waiting for other people to travel with you! Just go by yourself!
The idea of it made me uneasy. I hate being alone, and I have enough anxiety as is without worrying about everything that could happen in a trip all by myself. But I, too, was getting tired of asking dozens of people to go on a trip with me, just to be let down. It was draining, and my wanderlust was only increasing while I sat around.
I joined travel groups. I talked about my issues, about struggling to find people who were willing to travel together. The response was always the same. If no one can go with you, just go on a solo trip! It’ll be fun. It’ll be good self-discovery. You only really find yourself when you’re on a journey by yourself.
Well, who can pass up fun and self-discovery? Reluctant as I was, I felt like the universe was screaming at me to embark on my bildungsroman solo trip and fall in love with the alluring solo traveler dream.
I went on my first solo “trip” in Toronto. It was February, and just for a 3-day weekend that I skipped a Friday at university for. I put “trip” in quotation marks because I wasn’t even alone the entire weekend — a friend flew in a day later, so I was really only on my own for 24 hours. But if my experience is anything to go by, one day alone was more than enough. The plane ride wasn’t lonely, and neither was taking the train to my hotel — both of these things I’ve done countless times on my own. But after I checked into my room, put my suitcase in the corner, and got ready to head out and explore, I suddenly felt a sense of emptiness. It hit me hard enough that I didn’t even want to go explore anymore, not without someone by my side.
I’ve noticed that for some reason, I get very nervous exploring by myself. It’s not that I actually feel any sense of danger, or that I’m worried something will happen to me — especially in Toronto, which is a very safe city with great public transit. But even just walking through the Chinatown area, I felt incredibly anxious by myself. Everything I did was in a hurry. I wanted to try a lot of the food there, drink some boba — Toronto is a huge Asian hub — but it wasn’t interesting eating my small portion of food all by myself without someone to talk to, and if you’re never sat in a café drinking boba by yourself, it’s probably the closest personification of loneliness I’ve ever had the misfortune of trying.
For me, enjoyment has always been associated with laughing and talking with friends, whether its walking around the marketplace or sitting around a table over food. Everything’s much more interesting when you have at least one other person to bounce your ideas off of, or to just have someone who you know will stick with you during your journey.
Usually, when visiting sights, I would stop and sit a while, walk around, talk with some friends and admire whatever architecture, gardens, or landscape we were stopping by to see. On my solo trip, even walking around beautiful towns and plazas coated in fluffy snow became less fun, because I didn’t know what to do when stopped there. I would hover around while time seemed to crawl by, until I finally gave up 5 minutes later and left.
I only ventured outside starting at 10 in the morning, but by 3PM I had blazed through at least 6 items on my itinerary. Mostly because all the places I stopped at, I felt like a fool just standing there doing nothing by myself in the cold. I was acutely aware of my alone-ness, and time passed overwhelmingly slowly. How I wished I had a friend to talk to!
Specifically, I remember touring the Art Gallery of Ontario because they were offering free memberships and hosting a special exhibition by Yayoi Kusama, one of my art idols. I think it mostly goes without saying that I don’t talk much in art museums, because it’s generally bad form to be loud and art is best appreciated with your eyes and not your mouth, anyway — but walking around the beautiful galleries by myself just felt so not fun.
I think simply the presence of having another human being there allows me to enjoy traveling so much more. We’re social creatures, after all, and weren’t meant to live our lives in solitude.
Traveling with other people makes life much easier and much more enjoyable. You don’t have to be as stressed about managing everything yourself because you have a team. Phone runs out of battery? No worries, your friend has one. Need to go to the bathroom while waiting in line? You can save each other’s spots. Had your wallet stolen? At least someone else in your squad has enough money to get help (and yes, this has definitely happened to some of my friends before).
You can try more kinds of food because you can share dishes, and it’s not lonely eating by yourself. You don’t have to worry about striking up conversations with strangers, either, which I know lots of solo travelers are fond of, but I just can’t get behind. You have someone who can take photos for you so you can commemorate wonderful experiences. You have someone to laugh with, make memories with, and form a bond with.
Do I think solo travel is something you should try at least once? Yes, because who knows? Perhaps you will love it and fall in love with it, as so many people have. You shouldn’t let my personal experience deter you from heading out into the unknown by yourself. Do you have to enjoy it? Definitely not, and that’s okay.
Is solo travel for me? Big, fat no-no.
I’m not really sure if I’m glad that I tried going on a solo trip, because I did not enjoy it at all. But I did love Toronto, and I’d love to go back someday — with a friend in tow! I don’t want to discourage anyone from pursuing solo traveling, because I know so many people find it a freeing and exhilarating experience. But I do want to be clear that if you don’t enjoy solo travel, you’re not alone, either. It’s not something you have to love. I certainly didn’t.
